AA Amends Script PDF and Guidance
Our Resources and Support on How to Make Amends in AA
Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous program challenges its members to “make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
Righting past mistakes is a momentous step that facilitates healing to help you move forward. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy – it takes great courage to take full responsibility for actions that resulted from a drinking problem.
Icarus Behavioral Health Nevada understands the emotional strength it takes to express regret and make amends, but it’s essential to demonstrating changed behavior and regaining trust. Active addiction didn’t just hurt you – the harm caused to family, friends, colleagues, or casual acquaintances can be difficult to calculate.
We encourage you to read on to learn about Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous recovery process and why it’s not too late to get help for substance abuse if you still need support.
Alcoholics Anonymous Step 9: Making Direct Amends
According to AA’s Big Book, Step 9 doesn’t suggest a bit of remorseful mumbling and a hug to the person to whom you owe amends. This apology requires taking full accountability for your actions when you were an active alcoholic and repairing relationships whenever possible.
When you apologize using AA 12-Step method, you demonstrate to the world that you are ready for changed behavior and future growth. Step 9 marks a milestone, where responsibility, humility, and healing all intersect.
An Exception so Step 9: When You Should Not Make Amends
There is one exception to the process of making living amends. You will not meet or speak with any person who could be harmed by reliving past wrongs.
For example, an ex-, who now struggles with emotional wellness because the nights of worry left them with a severe fear of abandonment, is a wrong you cannot correct – reopening this wound might do additional harm rather than be helpful.
Get Effective Outpatient Rehab Options at Icarus
Why an AA Amends Script Can Help You Prepare to Apologize
Writing an amends letter or script supports you when you finally come face-to-face with the person you harmed in the past. You may feel fear, guilt, or shame as you apologize. The script will help you stay in the moment and speak from the heart. You can keep reading the words without freezing up if the process starts to feel a little overwhelming.
What to Include in an Effective Amends Script
AA’s Big Book makes a few key points about what to include when you make amends. When you apologize, you must:
- Accept full accountability for your behavior during substance use
- Avoid justifying or explaining any past behaviors
- Express genuine remorse
- Offer a way to make things right, if appropriate
- Honor the other person’s feelings, even if they don’t respond favorably
Using Our Tool to Help Make Amends and Right Wrongs
As you become willing to make apologies, it can help to reflect and journal about each person you have harmed through alcohol use. Feel free to download and print our journal sheets to help you explore what happened and acknowledge the wrongs. You will need to complete one for each person you’ll apologize to.
A General Making Amends Script Template for Substance Use Recovery
At the bottom of our journaling sheets, you will also find a basic making amends template. Writing out the script to suit each specific relationship you’re attempting to fix.
Hi [Name], I wanted to talk face-to-face because I’m working on my recovery, and part of the process involves making amends. I know I hurt you when I [brief, specific description of the harm]. I take full responsibility for that—there’s no excuse. I’m sorry for the pain I caused. I’m working hard to change, and I hope to make things right by [propose how you can make it right]. If you’re open to it, I’m willing to listen or make amends in a way that respects your boundaries.
The Goal of Making Amends in Recovery
The primary goal of the “make amends” process is to take accountability for your behavior and move forward. Forgiveness starts within yourself and can set you free. The acknowledgment of wrong-doing helps you process the emotional aftermath.
Once you have accepted fault and forgiven yourself, you can release any residual guilt that has been trapped inside and move on to doing the next right thing. A secondary intention, which is still very helpful, is to make apologies for any wrongdoing and help those you’ve hurt also recover from any pain they may still carry in their lives.
Personalizing Direct Amends Scripts for Different Relationships
The general message while offering living amends will be the same. Still, the intensity of emotions will vary greatly between a co-worker, for example, and your spouse or partner.
Here are some examples of how you can vary your script, depending on your relationship with the person, addressing the past treatment of each as you make direct amends:
Modifying Your Amends Script for a Parent or Guardian
Parental dynamics can be messy and complicated. They want you to stay sober, but in the past may have been your biggest enablers. Regardless of their role in your alcohol abuse, acknowledge their efforts and express regret for the harm you’ve caused. For instance, you can make amends by saying:
Mom/Dad, I’m working on recovery, and that includes the chance to make amends. I know I hut you deeply when I asked for money to support my addiction. You didn’t deserve that treatment, especially after all you’ve done for me. I am so sorry for the pain I’ve caused. I’m working hard to become someone to be proud of and will make payments to replace the funds. I hope, in time, for your forgiveness and have a good relationship again.
Get Accredited Treatment Programs at Icarus – Call Now!
Changing the Script to Make Amends With a Sibling or Close Relative
Your siblings and family members might also have contributed to enabling during active addiction, despite good intentions or concern. Like parents, they may supply money, shelter, or alcohol. In other cases, they may have been so afraid of the person you’d become that they turned away.
It’s essential to assure them you intend not only to make amends but to maintain sobriety. Here are some minor adjustments to the letter:
…I know our relationship has been hard, and I acknowledge and acknowledge my part in that. I hurt you when I refused to hear your concerns. I’m not trying to reopen old arguments; I genuinely want to apologize. I will listen and really hear your guidance in the future. I hope to rekindle the closeness we once had, whenever you’re ready.
Writing an Amends Script to a Spouse or Partner
Romantic relationships and marriages are impacted deeply by alcohol abuse. Your partner’s life may have been turned upside down by addiction. Here is an adjustment to answer for the harm you’ve caused:
“…I hurt you when I stayed out all night and hung around such people that you questioned my love. I’m not proud of how I’ve treated you. In the recovery process, I’m learning how I can be there in a healthy way. I’m sorry or the pain I caused. I am willing to give you space and will honor whatever you need…”
Changing the Conversation to Make Amends with Your Child
When it’s time to make amends, scripting your words of acknowledgement to your child can be the most emotional experience. Be age-appropriate, focusing on rebuilding trust. It doesn’t matter if your child is a minor or an adult; they deserve an apology and to know your future intentions.
“…I need to explain that the things I did during alcohol addiction were never your fault. I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t there for you or when I made you feel unsafe. I’m working hard in recovery to become a better parent to you. I love you, and I plan to stay sober and do the right things for you from now on.”
Getting Effective Treatment Options at Icarus Nevada
It doesn’t matter if you are considering addiction recovery or are working through AA, Icarus Nevada can provide effective, evidence-based treatment. Our team provides clients with customized, compassionate programs to heal emotional wounds and address trauma, which 12-step recovery programs often overlook.
Your sobriety is important to us, and we are here to support you in becoming the person you aspire to be.
Up To 100% of Rehab Costs Covered By Insurance – Call Now!
Call Icarus to Get a Firm Foundation for Clean and Sober Success
You may want to make amends, but not feel ready, at least not yet. Recovery doesn’t always follow a straight path; it often has surprising twists, turns, and roadblocks along the way.
If you’re stuck in the AA process and need additional help, that’s okay. There’s no specific correct route to sobriety, and you will need to follow the route that keeps you safest.
Our team is ready to answer your call or help. Your call is free and HIPAA-protected to protect your privacy. Call today.
